Welcome to WeAreFamilies.org and Vote!!!
04 May 2016
My name is Lisa, and I am a mother of three, two blended, one bio. I have raised my children for ten years now with all of the love, attention, effort, sacrifice, and hard work of any biological mom. Blended families operate best for the family, mother, and children when given the support internally and externally to operate as a traditional family unit. When the bio dad empowers the mom to “BE A MOM”, the marriage is strengthened. When the marriage is strengthened, the kids are strengthened. Clearly all of us know that 50% of all first marriages end in divorce. Did you know that upwards of 70% of second marriages with children end in divorce? I bet you thought it was lower because people have grown up and learned more about themselves, and how to be a good spouse. I believe that is true. However, my theory is that divorce is so high in those well intentioned marriages NOT because there are kids, but because there becomes a divide along biology lines. This divide starts out small. Oh, society will tell you that the divides matter and are worthy of having a position in your home. A seat at the table so to speak. You want to do the right thing, and no one has told you otherwise. Here is why we are seeing that idea FAIL our families: this divide starts out small and innocuous. Then it grows and becomes part of the foundation of your family. And the farther you let the crack be buried below the weight of life and family, the more insidious and dangerous that crack becomes. This crack typically is reinforced by rules, names, diminished power, etc-you’ve lived it….and remember, there is in most situations at least ONE person who is rooting for you to fail, and in some cases she is working hard to ensure you fail. We can take the traditional path and let that crack grow, OR we can fill that crack with loving activities, loving words, and loving actions that create a SOLID foundation of a loving family unit. This is a new way of thinking, and in my opinion, it is best for everyone.
Children will always be more likely to thrive if given a warm, open, and unconditionally loving home; one where something they had nothing to do with –BIOLOGY AND DIVORCE-does not have a seat at the table. This will foster their ability to feel equally loved and welcomed-because they are worthy of that as your children. They deserve this. They deserve to be treated with the same love and care and respect AND discipline that a child in a traditional home does. They so often are allowed to and encouraged to love multiple aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters. They can be encouraged and allowed to also love two moms and two dads. For example, “brother John” or “My mom Lisa”.To me, the perpetuated use and distinction of “step”mom is to subconsciously reinforce a negative image of us to protect the ego of the bio parent. This is one of the, if not the largest,dividers in our families. It subconsciously drives home an antiquated belief that non biological moms CAN NOT love a child as much as a bio parent and VV. I believe that is wrong. I’m sure any adoptive parent would have some choice words about that silly notion. And they have legal rights that you and I do not. We do it all in, for just the love of our children. And think about it-the person you love most in the world is your spouse and they are not biologically related to you. Listen carefully to this: if children hear you refer to them as “step” it WILL create a wedge which will prevent the children and parents from operating as a healthy family unit. This is a word with extreme negative connotation, with no value, and that constantly separates and divides families along biological lines. It is our obligation to create the most loving-NOT pandering, accepting-NOT enabling, environment for our kids. So to use words that Disney and society has claimed their stake in the ground for”evil”, and to make people feel “less capable”, let’s STOP.
I believe we can change things. I believe we can change the model of how this is done. I believe we can show society how this is better for the kids and for us and our families. I believe we can get rid of the “step” word. I believe we can teach society to say “my mom Lisa”. We have two choices: two widen the divide, or to cement it with love. Make no mistake: it will be the hardest thing you have ever done. And it will be an extraordinary amount of work because right now, no one is fighting for us-BUT US. However, there are a LOT of us out there just waiting for a voice, waiting to mobilize. Some who are desperate for help and support. There are others who have a wealth of experience and advice and encouragement to share. We need only to enable and empower each other. We are coming out of the shadows, we are holding our heads high. We are challenging the status quo. We are having the courage to MOVE FAMILIES FORWARD. It is going to take all of us, our spouses and our independent thinking friends. I would like to introduce you to and welcome you to
WE ARE FAMILIES!!!!
Now, let’s all get involved! It’s mostly unanimous that “step” needs to go…and that eventually we can just say, “my mom so and so”. Then when we must differentiate, we can, as we do with siblings, etc, choose a better word than “step” to define us. The reality is that words matter. We at Wearefamilies.org have done a LOT of loving research to give you options to redefine how we are named. Here are the new words we have selected, and WE WANT YOUR FEEDBACK! Trust us, we have gone through all the pros and cons, and we want to hear from you! Please leave your comments in the blog section and we will tally and take note of your thoughts! And please remember-wearemom.org is an uplifting, positive organization that operates with love and respect. No “ugliness” will be tolerated.
In alphabetical order:
Extra “Emmy” Mom/Dad/Parent (Eddy/Eppy)
Non Bio Mom/Dad/Parent
Other “Omom” Mom/Dad/Parent (Odad/Oparent)
With Love and Respect,
We Are Families